Answered Prayers...

mespock

Marxists - Socialists
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Madison, Wisconsin, United States
The Pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers.


A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation were! unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quavering voice,"thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief. The Pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom." The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."
 
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I got this from the other Lincoln forum I belong too.
It is titled, "Another Union problem"


A union worker was attending a convention in Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madame, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "It isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"House gets $80, and the girls get $20."
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.
His search continued until he reached a brothel where the Madame responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
Madame replied “the girls get $80, and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the union man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunning attractive blonde.
"I'd like her for the night."
"I'm sure you would sir," said the Madame.
Then, gesturing to an obese seventy-five year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority"
Bob.
 

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