EXCLUSIVE: Advance Copy of the Democratic National Convention Agenda

[fossten]

Agenda for the Democratic National Convention (DuNce) for 2008:

7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N.
7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:30 to 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer & worship. Jessie Jackson & Al Sharpton.
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging.
8:15-8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding--Barney Frank Presiding.
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free the Terrorists - errrrr - Freedom Fighters Rally, Presented by Cindy Sheehan & Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender--Harry "Realestate" Reid.
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant.
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free the freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay by Sean Penn.
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presented Truth in Broadcasting award by Michael Moore.
9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:00 P.M. How George Bush & Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers, by Howard Dean.
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents Internet.
11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War criminals, by John Kerry.
11:30 P.M. Coronation of Mrs. Rodham Clinton.
12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home.

 

[TheDude]

...and for the Republicans...


7:00 P.M. Spout lies.
7:15 P.M. Invoke God.
7:30 P.M. Spout lies.
7:30 to 8:00 P.M. Spout lies.
8:00 P.M. Spout lies.
8:05 P.M. Spout lies.
8:15-8:30 P.M. Spout lies.
8:30 P.M. Spout lies.
8:35 P.M. Bring out the "Reagan" card.
9:00 P.M. Spout lies.
9:15 P.M. Spout lies.
9:20 P.M. Spout lies.
9:30 P.M. Bring out the "Reagan" card.
9:40 P.M. Spout lies.
9:45 P.M. Spout lies.
9:50 P.M. Spout lies.
9:55 P.M. Bring out the "Reagan" card.
10:00 P.M. Spout lies.
10:30 P.M. Spout lies.
11:00 P.M. Spout lies.
11:05 P.M. Bring out the "Reagan" card.
11:15 P.M. Spout lies.
11:30 P.M. Spout lies.
12:00 A.M. Spout lies.
12:05 A.M. Spout lies.

 

[shagdrum]

Well, it looks like conservatives are more creative...

for the RNC you forgot...
*Hand out tax breaks to upper 1% and corporate sponsors
*plot to destroy the environment
*"Gays are ruinning America" discussion
*Minorities are ruinning America" discussion
*decide what books to censor
*"How to get automatic firearms in the hands of toddlers" discussion



For the DNC you forgot...
*special guest appearance by Osama Bin Laden (via satalite; made possible by NBC, ABC, CBS, SAG, The NY Times, the LA Times, CNN, MSNBC, PBS, NPR...)
*"Why we are better at deciding your health care then you" discussion panel
*"Why America is evil, with special focus on the US Armed Forces" discussion panel featuring Senators Dick Durben, John Kerry (who served in Vietnam), Hillary Clinton, Chuck Shumer...
*Presentation: "How to sound intellegent and elitist with a below average IQ" by Senator John Kerry (who served in Vietnam) and former VP Al Gore
*"Why All White Christians are evil and itellectually slow" discussion panel featuring Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. All Sharpton
*Why Style Matters Over Substance panel including the 2008 Democratic Presidential Primary candiates
*Communism In Our Time: Why Party Political Interests Are More Important Then The Interests Of the Nation As A Whole Featuring Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senator Harry Ried (sponsored by Code Pink and MoveOn.org)

 

[Joeychgo]

for the RNC you forgot...

*"Gays are ruinning America" discussion

Whos the keynote speaker on this? Mark Foley or Larry Craig?

*"How to get automatic firearms in the hands of toddlers" discussion

Duncan Hunter is the keynote here right?

For the DNC you forgot...

*"Why we are better at deciding your health care then you" discussion panel

Gotta be hillary here right?

 

[fossten]

...and for the Republicans...


7:00 P.M. Spout lies.
7:15 P.M. Invoke God.
7:30 P.M. Spout lies.
7:30 to 8:00 P.M. Spout lies.
8:00 P.M. Spout lies.
8:05 P.M. Spout lies.
8:15-8:30 P.M. Spout lies.
8:30 P.M. Spout lies.
8:35 P.M. Bring out the "Reagan" card.
9:00 P.M. Spout lies.
9:15 P.M. Spout lies.
9:20 P.M. Spout lies.
9:30 P.M. Bring out the "Reagan" card.
9:40 P.M. Spout lies.
9:45 P.M. Spout lies.
9:50 P.M. Spout lies.
9:55 P.M. Bring out the "Reagan" card.
10:00 P.M. Spout lies.
10:30 P.M. Spout lies.
11:00 P.M. Spout lies.
11:05 P.M. Bring out the "Reagan" card.
11:15 P.M. Spout lies.
11:30 P.M. Spout lies.
12:00 A.M. Spout lies.
12:05 A.M. Spout lies.

That was very unimaginative, even for you.

 

[shagdrum]

Whos the keynote speaker on this? Mark Foley or Larry Craig?



Duncan Hunter is the keynote here right?



Gotta be hillary here right?

NICE!

For the "Why Minorities are Ruinning America" panel, we will either get Trent Lott, Strom Thurmans corpse, or in a show of bipartisanship, special guest speaker Democrat Senator Robert Byrd


I would pay to hear Byrd speak on this, or anything (he is so incoherent it's commical!!!)

 

[TheDude]

That was very unimaginative, even for you.

 

[shagdrum]

Dudes got a sore vagina