This was written by a black guy in Texas.....so funny.....what a great sense of humor and creativity!!!)
When I born, I black, when I grow up, I black, when I go in sun, I black, when I cold, I black, when I scared, I black, when I sick, I black, and when I die, I still black.
You white folks....when you born, you pink, when you grow up, you white, when you go in sun, you red, when you cold, you blue, when you scared, you yellow, when you sick, you green, when you bruised, you purple, and when you die, you gray.
So who you callin' colored folks?
'According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.'
'Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.'
'How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?'
Seen on a woman's car: 'Men call us birds, we pick up worms'
'Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.'
'Give me ambiguity or give me something else.'
'Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?'
'I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.'
'Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.'
'It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.'
'If you don't like the news, go out and make some.'
'I Brake For No Apparent Reason.'
'When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.'
'Sorry, I don't date outside my species.'
'I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!'
'No Radio - Already Stolen'
'Few women admit their age, Few men act it! '
'I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!'
'All generalizations are false.'
'Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.'
Seen on an old, beat-up car: 'This is not an abandoned vehicle.'
'Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death'
'Cover me. I'm changing lanes.'
'The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.'
'Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep'
'Work is for people who don't know how to golf'
'Montana --- At least our cows are sane!'
'I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.'
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Seen on a chianese man’s car 'I love cats...they taste just like chicken'
'Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.'
'Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician'
'I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....'
'Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!'
'I souport publik edekasion'
'We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.'
'Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?'
'Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy.'
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
She’s always early. Her ancestors arrived on the Marchflower
You have the right to remain silent....Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.