Sozialkampf
Active LVC Member
DIVORCE AGREEMENT
American liberals, leftists,
social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama
supporters, et al:
We have stuck together
since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest
election process has made me realize that I want a
divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years
for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this
relationship has run its course.
Our two
ideological sides of America cannot and
will not ever agree on what is right so let's just
end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up
to irreconcilable differences and go our own
way.
Here is a model separation
agreement:
Our two groups can equitably
divide up the country by landmass, each taking a
portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am
sure our two
sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that,
it should be relatively easy! Our respective
representatives can effortlessly divide other assets
since both sides have such distinct and disparate
tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you
can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and
the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our
firearms, the cops, the NRA and the
military.
You can keep
Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You
are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel
vehicle big enough to move all three of
them).
We'll keep the capitalism,
greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart
and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless,
homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the
hot Alaskan
hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep
the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make
nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll
retain the right to invade and hammer places that
threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war
protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under
assault, we'll help provide them
security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian
values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism
and Shirley MacLaine . You
can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be
paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs,
pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can
take every Subaru station wagon you can
find.
You can give everyone healthcare if
you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to
believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll
keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National
Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine,
I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We
Are the World..
We'll practice trickle down
economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best
shot. Since they so often offend you,
we'll keep our history, our name and our
flag.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall Law Student and an American
.
American liberals, leftists,
social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama
supporters, et al:
We have stuck together
since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest
election process has made me realize that I want a
divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years
for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this
relationship has run its course.
Our two
ideological sides of America cannot and
will not ever agree on what is right so let's just
end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up
to irreconcilable differences and go our own
way.
Here is a model separation
agreement:
Our two groups can equitably
divide up the country by landmass, each taking a
portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am
sure our two
sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that,
it should be relatively easy! Our respective
representatives can effortlessly divide other assets
since both sides have such distinct and disparate
tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you
can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and
the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our
firearms, the cops, the NRA and the
military.
You can keep
Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You
are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel
vehicle big enough to move all three of
them).
We'll keep the capitalism,
greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart
and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless,
homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the
hot Alaskan
hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep
the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make
nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll
retain the right to invade and hammer places that
threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war
protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under
assault, we'll help provide them
security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian
values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism
and Shirley MacLaine . You
can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be
paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs,
pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can
take every Subaru station wagon you can
find.
You can give everyone healthcare if
you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to
believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll
keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National
Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine,
I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We
Are the World..
We'll practice trickle down
economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best
shot. Since they so often offend you,
we'll keep our history, our name and our
flag.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall Law Student and an American
.