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Kerry Recovers After Tasered Student Rescue
Posted By Scott Ott On September 19, 2007 @ 10:54 am In Education, Politics | 31 Comments
(2007-09-19) — Sen. John Kerry, D-MA, today says he believes that he has fully recovered from any injuries he may have sustained during his attempted rescue of a University of Florida student who was Tasered by police during the senator’s speech at the school earlier this week.
Although the former presidential candidate’s initial statements indicated he was not aware that Andrew Meyer had been Tasered until he read news accounts, “upon reviewing the video I noticed that I had instinctively attempted to disarm the aggressors by producing a low-pitched monotone sound from my throat — a tactic I perfected to scare off Charlie in the jungles of Cambodia. Apparently it worked. They left.”
Asked if he was alarmed by the incident, Mr. Kerry, a professional Vietnam veteran, said, “After all the action I saw in ‘Nam, a little scuffle like this don’t faze me, bro.”
In related news, dozens of eyewitnesses have reported that, until they saw news coverage of the event, they didn’t realize that a U.S. Senator had been in the room.
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Article printed from ScrappleFace: http://www.scrappleface.com
(Yes, this was satire, if you didn't already know)
Posted By Scott Ott On September 19, 2007 @ 10:54 am In Education, Politics | 31 Comments
(2007-09-19) — Sen. John Kerry, D-MA, today says he believes that he has fully recovered from any injuries he may have sustained during his attempted rescue of a University of Florida student who was Tasered by police during the senator’s speech at the school earlier this week.
Although the former presidential candidate’s initial statements indicated he was not aware that Andrew Meyer had been Tasered until he read news accounts, “upon reviewing the video I noticed that I had instinctively attempted to disarm the aggressors by producing a low-pitched monotone sound from my throat — a tactic I perfected to scare off Charlie in the jungles of Cambodia. Apparently it worked. They left.”
Asked if he was alarmed by the incident, Mr. Kerry, a professional Vietnam veteran, said, “After all the action I saw in ‘Nam, a little scuffle like this don’t faze me, bro.”
In related news, dozens of eyewitnesses have reported that, until they saw news coverage of the event, they didn’t realize that a U.S. Senator had been in the room.
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Article printed from ScrappleFace: http://www.scrappleface.com
(Yes, this was satire, if you didn't already know)
