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LvC Dues Collector
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store? Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT:? Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer? I want to buy one.
ABBOTT:? Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why?? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know? What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT:? Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows.? I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No? On the computer!? I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business? What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office? Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT:? Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT:? Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows!? OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal? What do I need?
ABBOTT:? Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with? some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon.? What I watch is none of your business.? Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I
watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great!? With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie.? What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W"is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one.? But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left.? It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word.? Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP!? Don't start that again.? What about financial bookkeeping?? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT:? Money.
COSTELLO: That's right.? What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT:? It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO:? What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT:? Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes.? No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer?? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not?? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later) ....
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store.? Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"....... :Beer
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store? Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT:? Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer? I want to buy one.
ABBOTT:? Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why?? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know? What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT:? Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows.? I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No? On the computer!? I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business? What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office? Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT:? Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT:? Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows!? OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal? What do I need?
ABBOTT:? Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with? some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon.? What I watch is none of your business.? Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I
watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great!? With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie.? What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W"is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one.? But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left.? It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word.? Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP!? Don't start that again.? What about financial bookkeeping?? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT:? Money.
COSTELLO: That's right.? What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT:? It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO:? What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT:? Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes.? No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer?? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not?? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later) ....
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store.? Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"....... :Beer
