1wykdmk8
LvC Dues Collector
The southern sounds more like Steelers football fans.
SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL
Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money is not necessary - that's what dates are for.
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
Fathers:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
Cheerleaders:
NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.
SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Guliani
SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung-over students that might actually make it to class.
___________________________________________
_______________ _____________________________
Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north.
________________________________________
________________________________________
Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
________________________________________
________________________________________
Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.
______________________________________ __
________________________________________
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
_______________________________________
_______________________________________
The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.
________________________________________
________________________________________
Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
_____________________________________ __
_______________________________________
Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
______________________________________
______________________________________
After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the
nearest package store for more bourbon; planning begins for next week's game.
______________________________________
______________________________________
Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football. Hold off any major plans (think wedding) until football season over. Life in the South!!!!!
SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL
Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money is not necessary - that's what dates are for.
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
Fathers:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
Cheerleaders:
NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.
SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Guliani
SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung-over students that might actually make it to class.
___________________________________________
_______________ _____________________________
Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north.
________________________________________
________________________________________
Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
________________________________________
________________________________________
Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.
_________________________________________
_________________________________________
Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.
______________________________________ __
________________________________________
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
_______________________________________
_______________________________________
The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.
________________________________________
________________________________________
Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
_____________________________________ __
_______________________________________
Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
______________________________________
______________________________________
After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the
nearest package store for more bourbon; planning begins for next week's game.
______________________________________
______________________________________
Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football. Hold off any major plans (think wedding) until football season over. Life in the South!!!!!
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