SHORT CUTS
... Bill Clinton came out in support of the estate tax last week. Clinton said that some people think he should leave all his money to his daughter when he's gone, but he doesn't think he should. He said he should spend it now on other people's daughters when he's still alive. --Jay Leno
"That's the ticket. Give [North Korea] the respect they crave, find the magic combination of carrots and sticks---which is what most of that country relies on for supper, after all---and they wouldn't be acting out. Iran's state-run radio said as much: 'Not only did the United States not lift the sanctions it had imposed on North Korea, it even increased the diplomatic pressure. Such pressure finally led North Korea to conduct its nuclear test.' Poor dears, under such beastly stress." ---James Lileks
"The liberal media's 10-year allergic reaction to Fox News is triggered by any remotely positive exposure to American values on American airwaves. Well, here's to the next ten years of giving establishment journalism the hives. Keep Old Glory flying high. It's driving Ted Turner mad." ---Michelle Malkin
"John Kerry was interviewed by Bob Woodward while Kerry was in---wait for it---New Hampshire giving a political speech. Kerry. New Hampshire. Speech. Politics. Now, that's being delusional." ---Rich Galen
"The Democrats love taxes, and want to share that love with taxpayers." ---Wesley Pruden
"The FDA blamed tainted California cow manure for the bad spinach Friday. Cow manure has three uses in California. It's used in farms for fertilizer, it's used in L.A. to promote movies, and it's used in San Francisco to cover for Barry Bonds." ---Argus Hamilton
David Letterman: "Top Signs Barbra Streisand's Gone Nuts": When a fan shouted, "Sing 'Memories'," she beat him to death with her high heel; Declared jihad on Liza Minnelli; Turned down an offer to save 15% on car insurance by switching to Geico; Now believes that people who need people are only the third-luckiest people in the world; When a cameraman accidentally photographed her from the wrong side, she shot him with a 12-gauge; Finally had a nose job---to make it bigger!; Well, this is her fifth farewell tour...
Jay Leno: As of [yesterday], the population of the United States has reached 300 million people. This is either attributed to a strong democracy or really weak border control. ... Mexico said today it plans to take the dispute about building a fence along its border with the United States to the United Nations. The United Nations traditionally has been against building fences between countries because, as you know, the UN believes fences are for sitting on. ... All around the world people were reacting to North Korea's nuclear testing. The U.S. condemned it. China said it was wrong. France surrendered. ... According to Kim Jong-Il's biography, they say he has been constantly accused of dishonesty, drunkenness and sexual excess. So if he lived here, he could be in Congress. ... The Army has changed their slogan to "Army Strong". Other countries are following with their military. Ireland's slogan, "Bar Fight!" China is "One Billion". France of course is "Helping invading armies feel at home for over 100 years." ... Saddam Hussein has now been on trial for over one year. One year? If this trial was in L.A., he'd be out golfing by now. ... There have been snowstorms back east. The snow is so deep in some areas that even Al Gore cancelled his speech on global warming. ... John Kerry says that he deserves a second chance to run for president. I say if his wife can afford it, why not?
... Bill Clinton came out in support of the estate tax last week. Clinton said that some people think he should leave all his money to his daughter when he's gone, but he doesn't think he should. He said he should spend it now on other people's daughters when he's still alive. --Jay Leno
"That's the ticket. Give [North Korea] the respect they crave, find the magic combination of carrots and sticks---which is what most of that country relies on for supper, after all---and they wouldn't be acting out. Iran's state-run radio said as much: 'Not only did the United States not lift the sanctions it had imposed on North Korea, it even increased the diplomatic pressure. Such pressure finally led North Korea to conduct its nuclear test.' Poor dears, under such beastly stress." ---James Lileks
"The liberal media's 10-year allergic reaction to Fox News is triggered by any remotely positive exposure to American values on American airwaves. Well, here's to the next ten years of giving establishment journalism the hives. Keep Old Glory flying high. It's driving Ted Turner mad." ---Michelle Malkin
"John Kerry was interviewed by Bob Woodward while Kerry was in---wait for it---New Hampshire giving a political speech. Kerry. New Hampshire. Speech. Politics. Now, that's being delusional." ---Rich Galen
"The Democrats love taxes, and want to share that love with taxpayers." ---Wesley Pruden
"The FDA blamed tainted California cow manure for the bad spinach Friday. Cow manure has three uses in California. It's used in farms for fertilizer, it's used in L.A. to promote movies, and it's used in San Francisco to cover for Barry Bonds." ---Argus Hamilton
David Letterman: "Top Signs Barbra Streisand's Gone Nuts": When a fan shouted, "Sing 'Memories'," she beat him to death with her high heel; Declared jihad on Liza Minnelli; Turned down an offer to save 15% on car insurance by switching to Geico; Now believes that people who need people are only the third-luckiest people in the world; When a cameraman accidentally photographed her from the wrong side, she shot him with a 12-gauge; Finally had a nose job---to make it bigger!; Well, this is her fifth farewell tour...
Jay Leno: As of [yesterday], the population of the United States has reached 300 million people. This is either attributed to a strong democracy or really weak border control. ... Mexico said today it plans to take the dispute about building a fence along its border with the United States to the United Nations. The United Nations traditionally has been against building fences between countries because, as you know, the UN believes fences are for sitting on. ... All around the world people were reacting to North Korea's nuclear testing. The U.S. condemned it. China said it was wrong. France surrendered. ... According to Kim Jong-Il's biography, they say he has been constantly accused of dishonesty, drunkenness and sexual excess. So if he lived here, he could be in Congress. ... The Army has changed their slogan to "Army Strong". Other countries are following with their military. Ireland's slogan, "Bar Fight!" China is "One Billion". France of course is "Helping invading armies feel at home for over 100 years." ... Saddam Hussein has now been on trial for over one year. One year? If this trial was in L.A., he'd be out golfing by now. ... There have been snowstorms back east. The snow is so deep in some areas that even Al Gore cancelled his speech on global warming. ... John Kerry says that he deserves a second chance to run for president. I say if his wife can afford it, why not?
