Dumbest Car Tech & Digital Nannies

[Turboguy]

OK all,

So my first hot rod was/is a 1987 Turbo Buick that went from 14s in 1993 when I bought it, to 10.4s at 128mph at E-Town in 2008. No ABS or Traction Control, and weak rear drum brakes. When crazy wheelspin happens, the only thing between saving it and going head-on into a concrete barrier is yours truly. I'm no pro driver, but I've been able to save my own ass in many drag race and road course "incidents" over the years.

As the Dodge Viper PR guy said to a journalist who asked "Where's the traction control?" -Pointing to both feet- "You're looking at it!"

Fast forward to Y2K-up, and our LSs have that "just right" level of safety built in: airbags, AdvanceTrac, etc. but not enough electronic nannying to get annoying.

But the features in newer cars and smartphone apps out there make me shake my head:

Rain Sensing Wipers (after all, why make the effort to actually turn wipers on?)
Lane Change Assist (Never look at the white lines again!)
Blind Spot Assist (And while you're at it, never turn your head again!)
Self Parking Cars (Let the computer hit granny and f up that guy's bumper)
Openometer: Mini Cooper convertible gauge showing how long the top has been down (really?!)

And the apps are even dumber:

Car finder (really?)
Etc.

In honor of dumb car tech that only serves to save us from ourselves, what are your dumbest car features and iphone/Droid/Blackberry automotive apps out there that will eventually lower the collective IQs of humans until we are all Darwin award finalists?

 

[ecarlcl]

Dude rain sensing wipers rock. With normal intermittent wipers the wipers are either going too fast or too slow. Rain sensing wipers keep it juuust right.

One of my biggest items is the absence of a manual transmission option in everything these days. No one wants to take the time to learn how to drive them anymore. Automagics are kind of boring.

 

[jmtiseo]

I agree with your take on rain sensing wipers. Although not advised with the use of rain-x, the use of wipers isn't necessary at highway speeds in a steady rain. Big ol' fat rain that comes straight up and/or sideways yes but just nuisance rain is nothing.

When I first saw a Mercedes commercial preaching all the driving aided technology you mentioned, my first thought is that they built the car for someone who shouldn't be on the road. They're going to get so used to being assisted with driving that if one of the systems fails the end result could be catastrophic. Wonder if they thought about that in the DFMEA, if so its listed as a "user error".

 

[1MiC]

When I first saw a Mercedes commercial preaching all the driving aided technology you mentioned my first thought is that they build the car for someone who shouldn't be on the road. They're going to get so used to being assisted with driving that if one of the systems fails the end result could be catastrophic. Wonder if they thought about that in the DFMEA.

Lol a old friend of mine drove a benz, it was a her. All that tech. didnt stop her from crashing it, and 3 other vehicles she drove.

 

[5TA1NER]

Rain sensing wipers have saved my ass more than once. They turn on faster than I can when that semi on the other side of the road is doing 80 through a 2ft "puddle" and I am washed out.

All the other stuff is mainly annoying. There are things I would like, ie: Microsoft sync but most I could do wihout

 

[LS4me]

This is how they will force us into autonomous transportation. More and more people just don't get the satisfaction from driving that we do. To them, it's just a chore.

And YES, rain-sensing wipers are the best technology since automatic headlights and automatic climate control!

 

[StarPower]

There are some things I don't really want to pay for, then there are things I'd never want. I wouldn't mind a passive lane-keeping assist (beeps if you're straying from your lane), but I would never want the active lane-keeping assist (steers you back into your lane). It's my job to know what's around me, and if I see an obstacle that I need to steer around I don't want my car fighting me as I try to avoid it.

Of course, I still know people who think nav systems are a worthless gimmick (they know how to read a map). They're more used to the lower tech option. The younger generation has grown up surrounded by technology, and companies need to put as many computers as possible into a car to stay competitive.

 

[02LincLS]

Don't some Mercs and Beemers brake for you if you're approaching something too fast? Dangerous!!
There's the falling asleep monitor.
Then the standard, I-can't-fully-turn-you-off traction control/stability systems.
Air Bags are another joke- sit properly with an adequate belt restraint system and you're better off. I don't need a stick of dynamite going off in my face, I'm already getting into an accident.